You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
