i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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