Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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