did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
