i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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