You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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