at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
