Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
