im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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