if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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