I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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