I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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