Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
