Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
