So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
