I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
