I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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