Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
