So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
