All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
