I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
