You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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