I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
