Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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