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Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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