I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
