Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today