I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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