Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight