just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.