there's paper in my vomit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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