somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
