shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Green mimosas i think yes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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