11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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