You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
