I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
