I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
