dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
