"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
