so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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