everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
