tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
