I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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