My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
