If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Boobs are out for the taking
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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