Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
