and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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