Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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