She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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