Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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