yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
