I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
