I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
