i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
