it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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