So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
