Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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