last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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