By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
