Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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