how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
