I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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