If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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