I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
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Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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